BLACKFISH: Men have fought over the Riverlands since the Dawn Age.
But that's to be expected of things that rest below the Neck.
It doesn't help that the Riverlands are between everything and everything else.
The Westerlands' gold, the Reach's grain,
the Vale's rock and the North's snow.
House Mudd once ruled as the kings of the rivers and hills.
But after a thousand years, their line was exhausted
and fell to the Storm Kings who fell to the ironborn.
I suppose after years of drowning at sea,
our rivers looked pretty attractive to that race of pirates and rapers.
Never mind that their monstrous castle, Harrenhal,
was too large to staff and garrison.
It turned out the ironborn wouldn't be there long enough to bother.
Aegon Targaryen landed to our south,
and as had many before him, liked the look of the Riverlands.
My ancestor, Edmyn Tully, led the desertion of riverlords to his cause.
And was rewarded by getting to watch King Harren burn in his own tower.
Unfortunately, that's not all Edmyn got.
House Tully was named the Lords Paramount of the Trident,
which means we had to keep in line all those lords
who hadn't governed themselves for thousands of years.
We were now responsible for aiding the Mallisters at Seagard
against the pouting ironborn whenever they got cheeky.
For settling Harrenhal on a family
stupid enough to think its curse would skip them
after devouring all previous families.
For keeping the Blackwoods and Brackens from wiping each other out.
And giving us two more castles to deal with.
For keeping the Freys in their place and out of others' pockets.
For marrying off our sons and daughters wisely enough
so we didn't follow House Mudd into...
Well, the mud.
Yet under the Targaryens, the Riverlands knew a peace we hadn't had for centuries,
if even
But like all good things, sooner or later, it all goes to shit.
And our shit had a name.
Aerys Targaryen.
Westerns has had 'ms share oi mad Hugs,
but usually they had the sense not to bully more than one powerful house at a time.
Aerys soon blundered into a triple alliance.
The North, Stormlands, and Vale rose against him.
But, of course, where do you think most of the blood was spilled?
My brother, Hoster, guaranteed the answer to that
with the marriage of my niece to Eddard Stark, the Warden of the North.
At least Hoster didn't send her to Robert.
So the Riverlands joined the war against the Mad King.
And it was on one of our rivers that Prince Rhaegar died,
sealing the fate of his dynasty.
Robert was a great soldier and a horrible king.
Drinking and whoring are their own brand of madness
when you sit on a throne that everybody wants.
He died and another war started.
Again the armies marched, again the Riverlands burned.
If Westeros isn't careful,
pretty soon our people will grow some sense and abandon this place for a safer realm.
Like the Dothraki Sea.
I joke, of course.
The Riverlands are our home and Gods help us, we love it.
Still, as they say, the king eats and the hand takes the shit.
The same is true of the Riverlands.
The Seven Kingdoms piss,
and the Riverlands change clothes.